Random bits and pieces
Days seem to go by so slowly sometimes. I’ve been busy trying to pack my schedule it seems like I did all the socializing of a month’s worth. Although the company of friends are great, I crave most to just snuggle up with a loved one and watch some video clips and movies, and just enjoy the night comfortably. But it’s clear to me that spending time alone isn’t the greatest idea, crazy thoughts run through me and it sinks me in a deeper sulk, here are some random thoughts that’s been hitting me:
1) as much as this is most definitely a quick flash of thought, I’ve wondered how it would be like to just kill myself and end it. I haven’t thought about the methods too much since it was a fleeting thought, it’s mostly the effects of doing that I’m intrigued by. Sometimes I wonder if killing myself would bring certain regrets in people’s lives. That seems like a sweet revenge to those who took me for granted. Then I remember doing so would also make me lose the respect of those who care about me, that I’m being exactly the kind of person they don’t want to be associated with. So suicide is indeed a quick-fix.
2) then I ponder how the society would be like if we are all equal in opportunities and have the same rights. I haven’t thought about it too much but I can’t even begin to really fathom that. Of course I just don’t think it’s possible at all. There will always be injustice as long as there’re differences in opinions. But without differences in opinions, it wouldn’t be an interesting world to live in. It’s just a fancy thought that I idealize would work in favour of my life at this point.
3) if I can be just like BlackMumba and be a crazy assassin. All the thrill, excitement, danger that embodies in that profession appeals to me – not realisitically, but worth fantasizing about. If there’s something I don’t like – just kill it and then keep moving along. It’s the no consequence, no regret attitude that I would like to have. There’s too many hold-backs in the real world..
So I just realized as I’m writing this that all the thoughts above are the ones I haven’t really totally think through. Perhaps they’re too unrealistic to think about seriously? Maybe I’ll re-visit them after something that directly pertains to me more…
Anyway that’s it for now, being inactive really hurts sometimes, so it’s a cue for me to get moving. Gonna start looking for a new home for my journals soon, there isn’t a good variety of people on this one.
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