Listen to be Listened

This should not come as a surprise, but merely a reminder – if we want to command the respect we feel we deserve from others, we have to show the same amount of respect to them.

I am writing this because too often we hear but do not listen. Not that I felt disrespected recently in any way, but just a bit of observations from things around my life. My mom made a long distance phone call to relay a message from my dad (which doesn’t really make sense already since my dad could just tell me that himself, but whatever) but forgot what the message was. It turned out she had to call my dad again to ask what the message was, and then called me again afterwards just to pass the word (again, my dad could’ve just called me himself…). That was what sparked my observations. It got me to think how often we talk for the sake of talking, and hardly listen to what we’re saying to each other. It seems like we have a natural desire to express how we feel whenever the chance to communicate arises. This is something I learned in sociology, that we have a tendency to pull a conversation towards something that relates to us personally. It is a constant conversation power struggle, and it happens quite innocently, unbeknownst to the parties involved:

“Man I’m so excited, I got the tickets to the next Raptor’s game!”
“Cool man, what seats do you have?”
“Ohh it’s not close to the front at all, but it’s the upper bowl center and it’s right at the front of the section so nobody’s gonna be blocking me!”
“That’s cool, I remember that time when I had front platinum seats last season, it’s like I could smell Bosh’s sweat!”
“Oh wow you were right up front eh! I’m looking forward to this game, we’re playing against Boston Celtics – Garnett, Pierce, Allen are gonna be great to watch!”
“Yeah I remember when they made the big trade for Kevin Garnett, I was gonna buy the Celtics season tickets then!”

…and so on, the point is, in the exchanges of words, both parties tried to pull the conversation towards them (notice the “I’s” used in response to the other person’s comment), and if you pay attention, you’ll be surprised how often this occurs.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what I just illustrated, I just wanted to demonstrate that for the majority of us, we’re pretty poor listeners. And knowing your weakness is important in order for us to improve as a person. Imagine exchanging comments with your colleagues, managers, superiors in the work scene, and if you listen to what you’re saying to each other, or “listen” to other’s body language, how much more of an advantage you could be in when building rapport, because let’s face it, it’s always more about connections than abilities.

Anyway I just want to share my two cents and remind everybody the importance of listening. And at the end of the day, you can be proud that you tried some effective communication, even though it might not be well reciprocated.

~ by Timbits on Tuesday, November 27, 2007.